Parent Must-Read (if you haven't yet)

A few months back, a mother of one of my students was telling me about this great book she was reading about parenting. She mentioned a few of the topics including; praise, lying, tattling, and race. I mentioned it to my "much more in tune to the world outside of Vashon Island" husband Brian, and he of course knew exactly what I was talking about, "Oh yeah, Nurture Shock, I read that praise article." The original article that author Po Bronson wrote, How Not to Talk to Your Kids; The Inverse Power of Praise, was published in New York Magazine in February of 2007 and had such an impact that Mr. Bronson went on to collaborate with Ashley Merryman and write an entire book filled with all kinds of findings relating to what parenting has become in today's America.

So, I got online and reserved a copy at the Vashon library, discovering sheepishly that hundreds of others were doing the same. And some months later, here I am having just completed the first chapter, which happens to be The Inverse Power of Praise.

In high school, I remember sitting in the stands at a basketball game with one of our visiting French students. She was struck by all of the praise being shouted out onto the court and in her lovely French accent asked, "Why are they yelling, "Good job!" when he didn't even make the basket? I don't think it was very good job." This was the first time I started thinking about praise and what it really means. Years later, when I was teaching high school, I had a strange experience with a student questioning why I hadn't praised her for remembering to bring her work to class, "Aren't ya gonna say I did a good job? ". She not only expected me to say "Good job" for something that was expected regularly of every student in the class, but she seemed to need it. In the moment, I congratulated her accomplishment, but the incident has remained with me for years, understanding that in some instances, society has created children (and adults) that require regular pats on the back for regular everyday deeds.

As a parent and a teacher, meaningful praise that focuses on effort and builds confidence is fundamental and fostering the enjoyment of learning rather than the reward of praise a daily goal. Nurture Shock's first chapter is a great read that reinforces these ideas and reminds us how to implement them - find it online at
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/, or order the book Nurture Shock New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman at your favorite bookshop. Also, follow the Nurture Shock phenomenon at http://www.nurtureshock.com/